Give Yourself Permission To Do That Thing . . .Whatever it is
Imagine for a moment you stopped asking for permission to do that thing, whatever it is . . .
From starting a business,
being in a relationship,
leaving a marriage,
having a child,
not having a child,
quitting a job,
Changing your major,
(gasp) saying bye-bye-bye to college
before you earn the degree.
Dating that guy . . .
that girl.
Not dating anyone.
Taking time for you.
I have an ask of you, if you’re willing to play.
Who are you wanting permission from right now to live your life?
Most people seem to do it.
Wait.
For.
Permission.
To live.
And so many of us fail to see the trap till we hit our (head meet desk) 40s.
So, who is it you seek to please?
Mom and Dad?
A partner?
A boss?
Some guru who knows all the things?
Knows what’s best for you?
Can anybody but you ever truly fit that bill?
It should be laughable
to think another could fully know you
better than you do.
But sadly, for most, that is simply not the case.
In fact, if you’re anything like I once was, you run from that very thought.
Getting to know you.
Spending time with the one who matters most.
Me, myself and I.
So let’s dish on this way so many of us, women especially, show up in life.
A way we’re taught in the classroom,
maybe even in the home.
Because if this is you,
this right here could be your secret wakeup call,
to well—you.
To living your life, for you.
Finally.
Are you secretly waiting for the
I Grant Thee Rights To Live Your Life faerie
To wave her delightful wand and deem you worthy—
It’s so ingrained to look around for
the teachers,
the adult,
the well-meaning someone . . .
for permission to live our own flipping lives.
From simple decisions—What do you crave for dinner?
To the hard core asks—
What do I even want?
What’s my purpose?
Dharma?
What makes me happy, damn it?!
While if you're anything like so many I come across, internally you may often be screaming,
I can’t decide.
What do I even want?
I have no clue.
Just tell me what to do already!
We are under so much pressure that even deciding what to wear can cause decision fatigue.
Making all-the-decisions, big and small, each and every day can be exhausting, yet here’s what I know intimately.
Not making a decision is even more tiring.
And the perfect way to waste a life.
We are trained to look outside ourselves for answers.
For someone who can decide for us.
Tell us what to do.
Even share how to do it.
We are raised in a society, mostly, where we are praised for following directions.
We are patted on the back for asking for permission,
to use the bathroom even.
And get in trouble when we forget . . .
to ask.
We are told to wait your turn.
Not be too demanding, too sure or god-forbid you might seem cocky, arrogant, full-of-yourself.
So, fascinating, to be schooled that being full-of-oneself is wrong!
Imagine if you were instead taught to see yourself as your very best friend. The one you will spend the most time with . . .
An entire lifetime getting to know. Intimately.
Which when broken down is Into Me I See.
What a powerful focus to have, to look within for permission, for answers, for all the things.
But if you’re anything like most, you’ve been conditioned to ask externally for all the things.
Even how best to know yourself.
As if another can offer you that.
Yet, if we only got quiet for a beat,
we’d see we already know all we need to . . .
within.
It might be a quiet knowing at first.
But with a regular tapping in, checking in, moment of self-reflection,
that inner knowing will grow.
Will become loud and oh-so on point.
Consider letting go of what you too many have learned. . .
To play a game of hurry up and wait.
But wait for what?
To live?
And then wonder why decades pass you by and dreams lie trampled underfoot, seen and pondered but still not acted upon.
I say stop being one of the many who are simply passing the time til they die.
Instead of taking one small step forward each and every day, we tend to sink into a black hole of questioning all the things.
Blaming those who give us advice,
advice so not aligned
because we never fully share who we are
with them.
Stop expecting another to know you,
get you,
tell you what to do
And you will access more JOY.
When you let go of not knowing yourselves,
not trusting yourselves
without external validation.
Without the approval of another,
from another.
When you stop releasing that lone cry for permission
to do something, anything.
To be good enough, pretty please.
Who am I even?
Am I even enough to do that thing?
Are these questions you too may have asked?
Timidly
or maybe at a full cry.
Yet, ask three people the same thing
and prepare yourself.
Confusion awaits as you’ll receive three different answers,
at least two will be contradictory.
I guarantee it.
Yet, ask we do, over and over again.
Expecting what, someone to truly get us?
Which is insanity, is it not?
To wait for someone outside yourself to deem you enough when all you have to do is own that knowing for yourself.
Because the biggest reason we seek permission outside ourselves is a lack of self worth, a lack of knowing you are a badass and there is no if-ands-or-butts about it.
We look outside ourselves when we don’t trust ourselves.
What if you knew in all your trillion cells that you were unique, enough, brilliant and perfectly imperfect just as you are?
You are.
You are one-of-a-kind and there is no mistake that you are here for a reason.
Simply to be.
To experience this life.
The ups, the downs, the JOYs, the sorrows.
That is the key.
Stop searching for that why and give yourself permission today to just be.
Be you.
It doesn’t need to be a struggle.
Seek that answer from within, because once you know who you are, well all shifts in your world and you realize you need no one to tell you how to live your best life.
You know.
Like you know your name.
You trust.
Like you trust that the sun rises in the east and sets in the west each day.
And dare I say that right there, that knowing mixed with trust of you, leads to creating a most delicious life.
I’m finally writing as me,
and hot damn has it been a trip.
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Photo Credit: Brooke Cagle @brookecagle 