How I Fell Into My Coaching Practice...
I've been a coach for more than twenty years and it all began by chance.
I was at a publishing house, about to look over galleys of a novel I’d written under another name, with my agent. She, of course, was running late as most dedicated New Yorkers often are, so I was ushered down a spacious hallway and asked to wait in a conference room...“just there at the end”.
I entered an occupied room... the wrong one... to find a rather frazzled individual all but ready to toss his physical manuscript out of the 36-story window.
Luckily for all involved, the windows didn't open and, instead of him trying to break the glass with his balled fist, we shared an awkward moment which turned into a deep conversation about this tricky thing called writer's block.
I didn't know who this guy was at the time, as he was simply the epitome of exactly how a struggling artist would have been cast in a feature film.
From wrinkled button-down to flip flops (uh, dude, it was winter) to three days worth of facial hair, blood-shot eyes and hair sticking out as though he'd tried to fry himself one too many times.
He was a walking, talking disaster.
And great fodder for my writer's mind...
Let's call him Tom and put him in his early 30s.
Well, I was just a girl in my mid-twenties, awkwardly walking in 2-inch heeled boots while carrying an oversized, leather bag, as was the then style - don’t judge.
A purse I couldn't wait to unload onto a chair, as it was all but cutting off my damn circulation.
Tom proceeded to brain dump his issues as I deposited my bag with a thankful sigh.
He was the cliché of a published, successful first-time writer struggling with his sophomore book. I didn’t dare tell him it was cute and so normal because he so felt like his pain was unique. Special even.
And as I listened, I wondered why I'd never fallen into the trap myself. See I was there on my 7th title, but I didn't tell him that little tidbit.
Never poke the bear.
I listened and instead of sinking into his despair or showing pity for his plight, (he later shared), I asked him about why he wrote, who he impacted with his words, and why he was choosing to be a self-ish ass.
Okay, the last is a bit embellished, as it's not my nature to be confrontational, but something I did say worked for him.
About 30 minutes into our chat, his eyes brightened, something clicked and he started scribbling frantically on the back of those recent, ready-to-be-tossed pages as though his life depended on it.
Completely understanding this creative taking-over, I sat back and let him write, content to just ponder my upcoming meeting and a new idea swimming in my mind.
A struggling writer in a wrinkled shirt meeting the publisher who rejects his book flat out.
I still smile thinking about that plot…did I ever write the story?
Hmm…
I realize now, with distance and maturity, that I wowed him into seeing he had a choice to get back to telling his story and impacting his readers or not.
It was really that simple.
But when we’re in the proverbial-black-hole, sometimes we can’t see the rope we know is there and pull ourselves out…
Sometimes someone else has to come along and literally tie the damn thing around your neck so you can wake up enough to feel it.
That was my role that day, as I waited for my agent and my own meeting about my own words of impact, and possibly taking on a role of collaboration for another who didn’t have the ability to string words together.
We all have our gifts.
In case you missed the memo, words are my SuperPower.
And well, after Tom started singing my praises from the publishing-house chandeliers like Sia, and thanking everyone on that floor for the brilliantly-awesome (his words not mine) writing-coach they'd sent in to “pull his head out of his arse”, I found myself suddenly donning a new hat.
A coaching hat to be specific.
And if I hadn’t been such a meek, little, people-pleaser, afraid to say no, and all-but-apologizing for the air I breathed, yet forceful and confident when sharing about words and the craft, I might have had a panic attack and run screaming from the building.
But that wasn’t an option. Saying no, to just about anyone and letting them down, at that time in my life… simply not an option.
And thus, The Writing Doctress was born.
Or that's what they called me while I blushed and hemmed and hawed a bit…I mean, come on. Who was I?
And then my agent set me straight.
I was the writer without a sophomore slump, contracted for three more f-ing books. She all but yelled in my face, red lipstick so chic and proceeded to sucker-punch my forearm.
I think I still have the bruise.
She said yes for me and negotiated my new “coaching to the rising writing stars” contract, and of course took her then 10% cut.
So, thus began my journey as a private coach within the secret walls of first, one publishing house, and then I was shared with a few others.
Writers and creatives became my stomping ground for listening, coaching them out of writer's block, their shared fears, and the limiting stories they chose to tell themselves...
And occasionally I ended up “coaching” an editor or executive out of 'a what the hell am I doing with my life?' crisis moment.
I put coaching in quotes because these were often stolen waiting-room-moments between signing contracts, reviewing words and meeting with potential writing clients.
But I learned early on that an outward appearance of success was a fragile and often misleading thing.
Why do I share this tale of my beginning days as a coach for word-artists?
Well, the reason is two-fold.
One, I’d like to start a little game on this site called Fact or Fiction.
Whenever a post has this category, you decide if it’s Fact or if it’s Fiction and leave a comment to cast your vote. But you gotta share your reason in at least one complete sentence or more!
Now will there be a winner-winner-chicken-dinner?
You tell me!
People love to win but I’ve never been much for games. Ah except for playing UNO with my grandmother. Now I distinctly remember a conversation I had with her when I was about 6 years old, and she reminded me and everyone who would listen to it as often as possible.
“Grammy, I’ll only play UNO with you if I win!”
So there you have it. I was a control freak as a little kid.
Sorry, not the point!
Yes, there will be a WINNER.
What they will get, who the heck knows but that’s not the point, right?
I mean we’ve all heard it’s not about the prize but the journey to get there… Ahh, are you fed up with that stuff too?
Some it’s crazy-talk, but real personal development, that’s the reason I’m able to now write these words, share this tale and publish under my name.
I don’t know about you but I like ‘em apples. Okay, enough Good Will Hunting.
As for a prize, each quarter I’ll don my Word Doctress Coaching hat and offer one Lucky B a 30-minute coaching call absolutely free (that’s high value, yo!) to talk writing or to discuss being the creator of the story of your own life and to say adios to living someone else’s version of your script… or anything you desire.
If that sounds like a plan… case your comment below and vote. Winner for this Fact or Fiction offering will be chosen on June 1st.
You must be a subscriber to Wednesday Words so that you see the announcement and make contact to claim your price!
It might also help to follow me on INSTA. Just saying. (And yes, this is a shameless plug!) And yes, JOY-Subscribers, you may enter and play! Want to know what a JOY-Subscriber is? Find out all the deets right here.
The winner will be posted on INSTA and in our Wednesday Words Newsletter. It’s up to the winner to come forward and claim his or her prize!
POST SCRIPT
In Case You Think I Forgot, I Didn’t.
The second reason I shared this tale is to show that no one fully has their sh*t together.
Not even those who may LOOK incredibly successful or have the perfect life on the outside.
We are ALL a work in progress and YOU, my friend, has just as much right to be fully here in this life as the “successful” person you perhaps admire and think, but I could never do that.
What if today you started from a place of YES, I CAN! And simply choose to step out and show up as you.
Now that’s a powerful place to BE coming from, is it not?!
💜
Photo Credit: Mimi Di Cianni @mimidicianni
